I received a Billy Connolly book for my birthday (The Accidental Artist) which looks really, really good. In addition, I’ve stumbled across a ton of $2 junk shop Billy Connolly books and I think a DVD or two as well. Bought them all. Simply put, I have a lot...

You know her, you love her, you cannot live without her, Christmas Girl! Well, technically Christmas Woman but Girl sounds better for some reason. Anyway, I found this image years ago and it’s been on my computer ever since. I like to break it out for some late December/early...

I’m so broke my piggy bank wants a cosigner! (Dumb I know lol.)...

Hello pretty McDonald’s drive-through lady, it’s me, the fat guy in the loud, green Buick who always pays with cash. I’m the one who orders his three daily quarter-pounders with no pickles and extra cheese. Remember me? Sure, of course you do.  I thought it was time to let...

Businesses nationwide will shut for a soul-crushing 24 hours this December 25th allowing so-called “Christians” to celebrate the virgin birth of their Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. The ancient, mysterious sect is considered responsible for millions of dollars of lost shopping revenue in the Twin Cities alone while the...

To my beloved family:  As you know, I lost my job at the lumber yard this year but I quickly found work at the new sex shop across the street from McDonald’s.  I went from humping 2x4s and plywood all day to helping other people hump each other, a...

——– Hey I’m just leaving for a road trip so I’ll get this fixed up in a few days. Anyway, Connie Chung has singled out the “comics” as something beneath her. Well, Connie, let me tell you a few things. It’s really quite simple, Ms. Chung, I have one...

Three year old Siamese seeing-eye cat, Kitty-Kitty, narrowly escaped the grisly fate of his owner today when the allegedly blind man, Cal Thompson, was obliterated by a light rail train at the Sherwood Road railroad crossing. Witnesses say the cat came within inches of the killer train, led there,...

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It’s no secret that I’m a terrible businessman. My ideas suck and my execution is terrible. Of all of my ideas, selling harmonicas at the markets was the only thing that really worked which is ironic because I can’t play a note. Go figure. Otherwise, no, I’ve crashed more...