Beach Perverts

I live in a swanky beach apartment on the Sunshine Coast in Australia. It’s nice, we’re very fortunate. One of the perks of living here at the beach is that there are plenty of women in bikinis and if you know me, then you know that’s one thing I love. But it’s been better.

Back in the old days, during the mid-80s, I came to Australia as an exchange student. Coming from frozen Minnesota, Australian beaches were wild to me. Sun, surf, and nipples aplenty; if you weren’t careful, you could get an eye poked out. I couldn’t believe it. Good, clean, wholesome fun. Now that I’m back, I expected the same sort of eye candy. But no, times have changed. Now, it’s like the Taliban has come to town and we’re all afraid of having acid thrown in our faces.

Nowadays, instead of the carefree toplessness that made me fall in love with the beach, women are covered up like nuns, nary a nipple in sight. For the male teenagers of today, this is a tragedy. Sure, there are plenty of naked women floating around online but from a former teenager’s perspective, a real, live one on a beach is vastly superior.

The good news is that from the waist down, the situation has improved. The G-strings the ladies are wearing at the beach are pretty cool. Apparently, a string up the butt counts as swimwear now. In many ways this is superior to the topless times of old, but that is up for debate.

It’s sad that women feel like they have to cover up so much at the beach. Just because they have their bits hanging out doesn’t mean they want people to look at them. That’s why they have the string. Perverts everywhere. Grow up, sicko.