We’re moving!

Next weekend we are moving out of our trendy, swanky beach apartment to a trendier, swankier beach apartment. It’s much bigger and it will be closer to the heart of Caloundra so if I had to, I could get a job and just walk to work, you know, to save trees or whatever. In that case, I’d have to get a real job, probably something like tearing tickets at the movie theatre or hosing down vomit outside the pub. Either one works for me. Honestly, I don’t know what kind of job I could get but it would have to come with no real responsibilities, lots of phat ca$h (as the kids say), and of course it would have to be a union gig with lots of paid time off, a generous benefits package, and a no-questions-asked sickie policy. These are my minimum requirements.

One of the perks of living in an apartment overlooking the beach, even a somewhat distant beach, is that you can observe beachgoers with a simple telescope or high-powered binoculars. I intend to monitor the beaches and keep an eye out for sickos, creeps, and sex perverts. Seriously, what kind of twisted sonofabitch would let his daughter or wife or grandaughter go to beaches where so many weirdos hang out and pretend they aren’t looking at girls who just got out of the water and have sand on their butts but really we know the truth… I think, anyway, this is where it starts to get a little cloudy. Time will tell if this is a hobby worth pursuing, I bore easily, but I’ll probably spend hundreds of dollars on it only to lose interest in a few weeks. We’ll see. Depends on the bikini-to-budgie smuggler ratio I’d say.

We aren’t moving for fun, we’re moving because our old apartment is getting sold out from under us. It’s turning out to be fun anyway. For example, in the next few days, approximately half of my book collection will be locked into storage. I cannot tell you how much this infuriates me. It’s not like I’m going to read them, or even open them up, but they give me great comfort. I just like having them, I don’t know why except to say that since I was a little kid, I’ve just assumed that the answers to all of life’s problems could be found in books. So there you go – that’s why I am literally up to my elbows in books right now, I’m making some hard choices about which books live in the new apartment and which ones don’t. Seriously, it causes me physical pain to do this. And really, I don’t understand why I should have to, the new place is bigger, hell if I know. It just pisses me off.

So there you go, our first update about the move. Hopefully by this time next week we’ll have the keys to the new place and we can get settled in within a day or two. What’s funny is that we haven’t really unpacked all of our crap from the last move and stuff I thought I’d really need has gone untouched and nearly forgotten about. Part of the reason I haven’t watched any of my films, for example, is that this place is simply too small to set up a projector and screen etc. The new pad will solve that problem.